Raising Little Unicorns – Diary of a Baba
Posted on October 1, 2018
After Collin’s unicorn birthday party two weekends ago, I started writing about the great responsibility of raising our little boys, little unicorns, and what they will think about us looking back at these treacherous times.
Then, the week erupted. It not only reared its gnarly and ugly head, it was filled with (white) tears, tears of fear, and emotions. I didn’t want to watch the hearings but I knew that as a cis-man, Chinese/Asian American man, I needed to watch the rawness of white supremacy and patriarchy unfold in front of the nation. I needed to reflect on how to better support the women around me and on the frontlines not just for what Brett Kavanaugh said and did but also for what he represents — the white ruling elite in this country.
I’m reminded to use my strength and privilege to listen, speak up, build up our collective strength to follow and lead when necessary but ultimately to obstruct this system of violence. And deep in my heart I know there are far too many layers and that for poor Black, disabled, queer and trans women, the system comes down even harder. The more i think about it, the more demoralized I get.
“I’m reminded to use my strength and privilege to listen, speak up, build up our collective strength to follow and lead when necessary but ultimately to obstruct this system of violence.”
My heart grows with anger and rage as I read the stories of survivors of sexual abuse and assault. Ive been bullied by many Bretts but it is not even comparable. This weekend, I didn’t sleep well. In the early mornings, I took time reading the stories shared in my facebook feed. Sexual assault and abuse is all too common and yet so invisibilized by our society.
I also felt the fierce love and courage from all the women who shared their stories. This will pave our way to change the world <3
In these times, I fight to come back to my purpose of being a bold present baba in all parts of my life. I’m learning about the work I need to do as a cis-man and as a new baba. On multiple fronts, I’ll be in solidarity with women and others on the frontlines and being the best baba Collin needs in these times. Both tasks I don’t at all take lightly.
You see, about 3 weeks before Collin’s 4th birthday, our little boy made a sweet request for a unicorn birthday party. At first, I wasn’t sure if he was serious and kept asking him for about a week. Finally, I realized that he really wanted a unicorn party and joked that he wanted, “a real unicorn to come and sit on everyone’s head.”
Besides having an actual unicorn, we (and I should say Mychi) went ALL out. From unicorn balloons,unicorn cake, unicorn party favors to a unicorn princess who came to do magic tricks, animal balloons, and face paint, it was a kick ass party!
I was impressed with Collin’s gender bending, his unapologetic desire for a unicorn party with his pink unicorn named after my friend Pancho (who gifted him the unicorn). Collin is our special unicorn with infinite superpowers.
“Collin is our special unicorn with infinite superpowers.”
Of course, I know that we have a lot to do with it.
We have created a protective aura around him so that he can be his best self and not be forced into superficial gender tricks and binaries little boys are facing everyday.
And as a baba, I know that i have a great responsibility to model, create a loving community and relationships, and build up his strength — his strength to cry, strength to ask for help, strength to stand up for others, strength to love others, especially in these cynical times.
And we’re seeing this happen. This birthday was the one of the most successful large social activities in a long time. From people have more understanding to more open conversations about autism and the struggles of all our little ones, we are creating the community care that our little ones need and deserve.
I’m most proud that towards the end of his party, he created his own quiet space. I actually thought I lost him but soon found him sitting by himself quietly by a big redwood tree. When I found him, I asked him if he needed space and he nodded, and then I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said, “Yes.” So I let him be. Besides scaring the sh*t out of me (which we later discussed), Collin has some advanced self awareness that most adults don’t even have!
This is the aura that we are creating around Collin and it is truly transforming all of us. When we are bold and present with him, he makes us equally as strong if not even stronger. Everyday, this gives me more hope and inspiration.
In the end, all are little ones are unicorns and we are indeed raising hundreds and thousands of little unicorns in these times. It may be unclear if the system is crumbling or consolidating right in front of us. But what is clear is that our love for our little ones, our little unicorns will give us strength in the present and ultimately change and transform society as a whole.
Watch out, our unicorns are coming!