Parenting takes patience… and so does everything!
Posted on January 16, 2018
The new year was great. I was able to take a step back, breathe and set my intentions. But its only been a little over two weeks and I already see myself losing patience.
For a while now, we’ve been getting support on our morning routine from our therapist to build Collin’s capacity to do things on his own like putting on his clothes, diapers, socks and shoes. Putting on his jacket and the zipper was the next level stuff. We are VERY used to doing it for him because it is a lot faster. Some mornings it takes an incredible amount of time (and patience) but now he can do it all on his own. Amazing!
The other day, I was running late for a morning meeting and trying to get Collin out the door to school. I was already feeling a bit stressed and off centered. I transitioned just a little too fast and attempted to help him with his jacket and almost immediately he had a meltdown. It was like slow motion… I mean I knew as I was doing it it would trigger him but did it anyway :/ Mental note for me is that as we are building new routines, we need to show respect and consistency… the flexiblity comes later.
Mental note for me is that as we are building new routines, we need to show respect and consistency… the flexiblity comes later.
Nonetheless, he screamed at the top of his lungs, “I can do it MYSELF!! I don’t need YOUR help!!!” It was intense and I officially added another 20 minute delay to my morning.
I had to take a step back, breathe, recenter and re-engage.
This all reminded me that all it takes is one thing to throw us off.
A bad night of rest…
A day with too many meetings…
Being behind on a deadline…
Movement drama and toxicity…
Or just getting stuck on a mistake and what should have been done…
Oh, and of course, global crisis and Trump.
SO how do we create more spaciousness in all this? How do we be more patient with ourselves and others? I wrote in my last blog that we need more love and compassion. More patience, too, is needed.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m talking about powerful patience not passive patience. The kind of patience that takes a lot of love and rigor to stay centered. A kind of strategic patience that looks at the short and long game. A fully embodied patience. Not the kind of patience that is holding your breath and building resentment but the patience that is centered and bold.
Bruce Lee said it best, “Patience is concentrated strength.” It does not mean you just sit back and do nothing. It means constant assessment, being centered, and striking fiercely at the right time.
“Patience is concentrated strength.”
That still doesn’t address how to do this.
Maybe it is how we set our intentions. We don’t give ourselves enough space for (human) imperfection. Maybe we need to let ourselves be impatient sometimes and let ourselves learn from our impatience and mistakes.
The other things that helps me recenter is remembering the little joys and victories.
I did all my stretches and hydrated.
I didn’t overreact today to a tantrum.
I took a breath before responding to a trigger.
Finished a grant on time.
Collin let grandma help him in morning (instead of me or Mychi).
Collin loves singing his own songs now!
The added bonus is that we have another new years in February, the Lunar new years (Year of the Dog!), to refresh our intentions. This time, I’ll to be more patient with myself. In the meantime, let’s all keep our eyes on the prize in all that we do. More love, compassion and patience this year, for sure.